Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
