Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
