Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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