Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
