Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
