He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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