We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
