He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
