Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
