my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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