Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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