Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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