Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
