Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
