Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
