Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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