i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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