gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
