Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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