You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
