What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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