I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
