Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
