I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
