Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Mom said you looked used
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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