Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
