I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
