im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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