I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
