I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We don't watch enough power rangers
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
