I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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