Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
