Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Drunk is a universal language darling
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
