we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
