fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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