i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I will pee on everything he values.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
