apparently the secret to your success is patron
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
