I just saw a hot homeless man
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I could fuck to npr.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
