you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sext me about skeletons
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
