yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
