am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
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And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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