just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
