I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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