it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
