I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
