if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
