And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
