i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
