I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
