I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
