i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
