I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
