honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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