It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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