I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
