I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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