Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
