the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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