how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
