I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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