I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
