Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
