your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
