I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
