After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
