shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
