you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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