i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Randomize
