This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
