She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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