It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
